2024, we hardly knew ye

      It was a year to remember, and I wish I could. I know I put it somewhere. And I’m pretty sure I had it when I walked into the room, if I could just remember which room I walked into.

      Then again, it’s possible I left it in the car.

      While I may not remember all of 2024 precisely, I do recall My Top Monthly Accomplishments for the year.

      Here they are:

      January: I changed all my computer passwords. To provide additional security and prevent potential identity theft, I also changed my identity and became seven inches taller and the Nobel Peace Prize winner.

      February: I never used the word “dude” in a sentence.

      March: I learned the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny. (There is no difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny.)

      April: I finally remembered the name of the guy that I ran into in the cookie aisle of the supermarket on Feb. 6.

      May: I found my wallet after I was sure I had left it on the restaurant table the night before and blamed my wife for not reminding me that I left it on the restaurant table. It turned out, the wallet was in my pocket, and I blamed my pocket for not reminding me it was there.

      June: Nor once did I strain my back, bang my knee or twist an ankle.

      July: Didn’t see a single episode of “Emily in Paris.”

      August: I never addressed anyone as “bro.”

      September: In texts, emails and Facebook posts, staunchly refused to use a crying emoji or that one with the two little hands dumbly sticking out of where his yellowish jawline would be, if he had a jawline.

      October: Only lost my phone twice.

      November: Finally figured out that Bluesky is not pronounced Bloo-ski.

      December: Got to the end of the year with the majority of my bodily functions intact. Except, of course, my memory of those past 12 months.